Online dating and deep crimson red flags.


Image by Peggy_Marco

Some online dating profiles are the literary equivalent of Scandal. There’s drama, anger, betrayal, intrigue, even surprise confessions. Today I read the dating profile of a woman who proudly asserted that she keyed her ex’s car. She added “lol” after that admission.

I admit these are delicious reads. Lunacy often is. That said, red flags aren’t usually so obvious. Most have more subtle (though no less disquieting) clues. Here are my top six red flags of online dating. If you have others, please share them:

The “Is there anyone decent out there” dating profile.

Online dating profiles that begin with a lament are never a great start. Worse still when the person implies that of all the dating profiles online – they haven’t read one that featured a decent person.

It’s true that lot of singles dating online get unwanted messages. A lot of women, in particular, get lewd ones.

However, while a person isn’t in control of the people attracted to them, they are in control of the people to whom they’re attracted. So if someone keeps being attracted to questionable profiles then the problem isn’t that there are no decent people out there. The problem is their own poor judgement.

In short, avoid negative people who look for trouble and then blame others when they find it.

The “I’ll date anyone, anywhere, any age” dating profile.

A dating profile with a desired age range that spreads over 20 years or more is suspect. This broad sweep could suggest that the person is desperate enough to look for anyone instead of the right one.

Just as we tend to be attracted to certain types of looks, we also tend to resonate with certain types of personalities. In terms of interests, goals and priorities, our personalities often evolved with our life stages. So, in general, a man or woman who’s attracted to a 20-year old is not as likely to be as compatible with a 50-year old.

If you see a profile with this kind of age spread, the person may have low expecations and self-esteem. So broach the person a little carefully. Be sure that their personalities and boundaries are defined.

The “I’m giving this site just one more chance” dating profile.

Singles who add this to their dating profiles have been online dating for a while and the experience has had a negative affect on their outlook.

The site is not to blame. They are. Anyone who willingly continues to do an activity like online dating – even when it makes them bitter – shows a penchant for negativity and personal sabotage.

No one has to online date. To continue to do so is a choice. To blame the dating site (or the singles online) also shows a lack of responsibility for the choices being made.

The “I love long conversations…about me” dating profile.

Dating profiles are meant to provide the reader with a glimpse of a potential match’s personality. It’s not meant to be a biography and especially not meant to be a diary.

Dating profiles that are exceedingly long could be indicative of someone who’s needy of attention. Those that are too revealing could be indicative of someone with poor boundaries and judgment.

 The “Let’s talk about what I want, shall we?” dating profile.

Online dating profiles that say very little about the person, but go on and on about what they’re looking for in a match could be the sign of someone who’s demanding and unrealistic.

It could also be pretty self-centered. After all, it’s important to include a healthy balance of what makes them worthy and not just what they want in a partner.

I actually saw a dating profile that described an ideal match right down to hair color (brunette, in case you’re interested!).

The “no more drama” dating profile.

Some people write “don’t want drama” simply because they see it so often on dating profiles that they think it’s important to add it too.

But, be cautious. In many cases it’s the sign of someone who attracts drama. It suggests that drama has come their way often enough that they feel powerless to stop it and that they have to beg off it.

In addition, if someone does attract a lot of drama, they probably have a lot of instability and negativity in their lives to along with it.

A final note about red flags

If you read a great profile and there’s one little red flag, don’t be too quick to judge. It never hurts to have a few email exchanges on the site just to see if that red flag is exception and not the rule.

Thanks for reading. Please share.

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