The other day a neighbor said she was going to start online dating. A boyfriend had just ended their relationship and, according to her, she needed an ego boost.
An ego boost? That’s oddly conceited for someone whose self-esteem is suffering (not to mention shallow, insincere and presumptuous).
More importantly, it’s misguided.
If you’re suffering from low self-esteem then you’re also suffering from low expectations for yourself. The two go hand in hand. As such, going online at this time could set you up for a world of disappointment from matches who don’t measure up.
It’s the worst time to be online dating and yet it’s the time when so many people jump in and hope to be healed.
Without substantial self-love (even if it’s a temporary blow), it’s common to become so eager for a “hit” of approval that you excuse behavior that wouldn’t normally be tolerated. Emails from potential matches that don’t show an interest in you; inappropriate topics; or emails that simply don’t “feel right” are more easily disregarded.
This is especially true if the match is attractive. After all, even at the best of time, we excuse behavior when someone is good looking. Imagine how vulnerable you can be when you’re not at your best?
In addition, it’s common to pick quantity over quality. In doing so, your environment begins to include more and more people who don’t value you as you feel they should. That, in turn, entrenches your poor self-worth even further.
In short, when you go online dating at a time when your self-image is suffering, you may be too quick to reciprocate with anyone who expresses interest in you – regardless of how deserving they may be. You become much less discriminating and more likely to put up with behavior that doesn’t satisfy you and can even create further damage.
So many matches. So little interest in you.
Imagine going online to get over the pain of rejection only to find that, despite the hundreds of potential matches filling up your screen, no one shows interest?
Depending on age, location and ratio of men and women in your area, online dating can take awhile to work. If you’re looking for an instant boost to the ego, you might find it deflating faster than a balloon.
In addition, when you’re feeling poorly about yourself, it’s also very common to sabotage your efforts by choosing people who’ll either never write back or who, in replying, will ultimately reinforce your vulnerability.
So, all to say, the worst time to be online dating is when you’re not ready to expect the best for yourself. My suggestion is to heal yourself first.
Question for you.
What’s the best advice to give someone who’s just been rejected? How do you a friend recover self-esteem?
Final piece of advice.
When you’re ready to go online, increase your chances of meeting the right one by hiring me. With a 15- minute consultation, I can critique your profile, help you with emails and provide suggestions on how to sell yourself better.
With the various profile writing services, I can take the burden off you while creating a profile that’s true to you (I ask a lot of questions so that I can use your stories and even your expressions to make the profile honest).
Here’s an article I found with tips on increasing self-esteem.