A few years ago, when I still believed that Facebook statuses were innocent and pure, I accepted friend request from an acquaintance with an inner Tila Tequila. My news feeds thereafter were never the same. Her statuses blared with such gems as: “After a session like that, I wish I smoked. Wink, wink. Oh wait a minute. I was smoking.”
I don’t know what traumatized me more, the puns or the visuals of her having hot sex.
Like some Facebook statuses and wall comments, online dating profiles can also share way too much information. Here are a few I’d like to share, along with my justifiable outbursts of disdain.
1) I’m down to my last 20 pounds.
Congratulations. Thousands of singles looking for love online
are happy to hear that your eating disorder is under control.
So what’s next? Updates on a drinking problem perhaps?
2) Out of an abusive relationship and reluctant to get into another.
Thanks for sharing your victim mentality with your fellow online daters. If you’re reluctant at this time, would it be okay if abusers contact you in, say, 6 months? Would that work?
3) Got a cute heart tattoo in my private spot.
You mean the private spot that you’ve just described to thousands of strangers? That private spot?
4) Don’t want drama. I have an ex for that lol.
I know I’ve said that less can be more but, in this case, you may want to explain what you mean by drama. For instance, is it “needs a lithium drip” drama or “hang ups when you pick up the phone” drama?
5) 5’11″, 195 lbs, own teeth, good hair, and no need for ‘relationship’ drugs…lol!!
“Relationship” drugs”. Thanks; the euphemism makes it much classier.
Just for the record, neither number 5 or 6 is laugh out loud funny.
Even advertisers keep gory details in fine print. Just read a pharmaceutical ad. This isn’t to suggest that you hide the truth or lie by omission, but it is suggesting that you show some discretion. No matter how often you might go onto a dating site and see the same people online, they’re strangers. You need to be discerning. When advertisers give away too much, we perceive them has having less value. The same is true for you. If you give away too much, specifically – personal details, then you start to look cheap.
This is yet another reason why you should hire a professional online dating profile writer (me) so that you can maximize your chances of success.