Online dating and “what does fair have to do with it”.

I’ve seen a number of dating profiles with variations on the words, “Must have pic. It’s only fair.” Fair? Really? Fair is to online dating what big toes are to fried chicken. That is – totally unrelated. Actually, let me make this even clearer:

Fair is to online dating what otters are to Barry White.

Fair is to online dating what spleens are to overdue library books.

Fair is to online dating what pedicures are to kiwi fruit.

I could go on. Seriously I could, and I want to because it’s fun, but it’s not entirely related to my point, which is – online dating is not fair.

As someone who’s worked in advertising a long time, I’m trained to make connections between seemingly unrelated items. For instance, I can see how a gecko could sell insurance or how a cross-dressing dad would be perfect at promoting tortilla chips. However, I don’t see how fair and online dating could even have a tenuous relationship.

Some people have success, some don’t. Some things are within your control, some are not.

Online dating and what’s not within your control.

A lot of arbitrary factors go into the success of online dating. These include everything from who’s online when you are, to the ratio of age-appropriate men and women within your geographical settings.

If you’re a man who lives in an area where men your age outnumber the women, then you have a lot of competition. Not only do the numbers work against you, you also have to factor in the fact that not every available woman will be right for you – or you for her. That’s key too and yet many singles forget that fact.

Age is a huge factor as well. A number of older, newly-divorced men pick younger women. The result? Not only are older women left out, so are those older men. After all, they’re not the only ones going after younger women. Age appropriate men are after them too.

Did you know that even the length of time a single is online affects their choices?

Newcomers to online dating are more likely to make choices based on looks than singles who’ve learned the hard way that making choices based on looks goes both ways.

For instance, it’s common for people to go online – initially – and think that the hundreds of singles they see are all potential matches. As such, a newcomer’s list of “must haves” can go from a few admirable traits, like honesty and kindness, to a long list of fairly shallow ones like “really hot” and “super fit”.

After a few months of rejection though, they start lamenting “I just want to meet someone nice” and then, thankfully, they’re back on track with a few commendable expectations.

So if you think online dating is unfair – it is. Still, it can still work wonders.

Online dating and what is within your control.

There are four aspects of online dating that are in your control:

1) Settings

How open or stringent you are about height, age and geographical considerations, among others, can affect success. I don’t suggest being open in areas that are deal breakers – for instance, religion can be very important to some people, as can whether or not a person has or wants children. However, does 2 inches shorter or 10 miles further out really matter?

2) Choices

Like settings, the flexibility you have when choosing matches affects success. Try not to get so caught up in looks and age that you overlook what really matters when thinking of spending time with a person for the long term. Instead of picking the matches that everyone wants, why not just pick the ones that genuinely suit you? Pick matches that you find attractive, of course. But don’t get so picky that if they aren’t “super models” then they aren’t for you. This applies to women too. It’s not just the men who can be superficial.

 3) Photos

Take a few good photos. Go through more trouble than pulling out a cell phone and taking a photo in the bathroom. Good lord, how could anyone even think that’s attractive? Ditto on dressing in something other than track pants. It’s fine to be casual, but be decent. Make an effort to wear nice jeans. Fix your hair. Smile. Look attractive…it’s a dating site!

4) Profile

If you go online and rely just on photos then you’re essentially assuming that you can get by on your looks. You can’t. No matter how good looking you might be there are others out there who are just as good looking. Your profile gives you a chance to seal the deal. So make the effort and craft a good one. Present yourself with enough charm and warmth so that a match not only chooses to contact or reply to you, they can also imagine how much fun it would be to meet you in person. Make sure your profile has a few ice breakers too so that a potential match has something to bond over.

A final word about writing your dating profile

If you understand the value of a good presentation, but have difficulty putting it together in a way that truly represents you, then let me help. Not only do I find the unique anecdotes and traits that make you engaging (we all have them and most of us don’t even realize it), I even write the profile using your words and expressions so that it’s all very true to you.

Check out the samples of my online dating profiles and see how I do it.

Or, get started with the personality questionnaire and send your answers to me so that I can help you stand out – in all your glory!


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