One day, a colleague and I presented a major campaign that took us weeks of sleepless nights to complete. As we wrapped up the presentation, the room went silent. We stood there, anxiously awaiting the client’s reactions. Seconds passed slower than the time it takes for David Carusso to remove his sunglasses. Finally, she spoke. “Ummm”, she said, “like…you know when you go shopping for a pant suit? And you just can’t find it? This is like that.” She then broke out into a cacophony of high-pitched, self-satisfied giggles because she mistakenly thought her feedback was clever.
I didn’t, and stared at her blankly. Actually, apparently I didn’t stare at her blankly. As it turned out, I was “gently removed” from her account because she told my boss that I always looked at her as though she was an idiot. That was probably one of the smartest things she ever said.
The point of all this? That while you might think you’re being funny, someone else might think that you’re the most obtuse woman I’ve ever met with a cognitive development that pales compared to Jessica Simpson and who wouldn’t know a good ad if it hit you on your heavily powdered face and…um…..uh…I digress. That actually wasn’t my point. My point is that humor can be tricky to get across at the best of times, but it’s especially risky when you’re online dating and chatting up strangers.
Humor in emails and chat messages is easily misunderstood because, unlike face-to-face verbal exchanges, written word does not come with the auditory and visual cues that make tone unmistakable. Many misunderstandings have happened over email. In addition, when online dating, you’re dealing with people who are virtual strangers no matter how comfortable you might feel with each other.
I remember being in contact with a potential suitor who brought up the subject of driving. As a terrifically bad driver myself, I had what I thought were many funny stories about me behind the wheel. I shared three. His response? “I don’t know why, but you scare me. I won’t be writing again.” It made me cry, I laughed that hard.
Nevertheless, it was a lesson, and one that I’ve since been reminded of over and over again. I read many online dating profiles and many fail to be funny. As a writer, I can decipher what a person was trying to say, but I can also see how it actually comes across.
So should you avoid humor? Not at all. Use it. Be fun. Be engaging. Be clever and be light-hearted. However, once you’ve written your profile, email or chat message – read it over aloud. Seriously. If you read it over in a normal voice without much intonation, you’ll get an idea of how that writing my be read by someone else.
I cannot stress how helpful this tip can be to you. I’ve been an ad writer for 20 years and it has helped me innumerable times. I should have followed my own advice when I shared my driving adventures with a total stranger. Then again, I wouldn’t have had such a good laugh (even if it was at my expense!).
My best piece of advice though is to hire me, a professional ad writer and online dating profile writer, to write your online dating profile. That way, you not only avoid this mistake, but you avoid many others.
Check out my online dating profile samples. Or, go straight to the personality quiz. It costs nothing to do even though it’s an important first step to a great dating profile.
If you like the blogs, then I think you’ll like the tweets.
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